Conversations with God

"Dear God" the woman remarked "I'm smart, i'm fun, i'm savy, i deserve the perfect man, why haven't you sent him to me"

God looks kind of confused "but i did kiddo, but you were so busy being smart, fun and savy that on his request i had to shift him to the perfect woman"


"When" she said half shriekingly "they were all imperfect, the ones i met, where was the perfect guy you sent, and wait, how the hell am i not the perfect woman!!!" she said in enough anger to even scare god

god, in a little subtler tone after all that shrieking "ahem, mind your language please, after all, it is god you are talking too. Kiddo even i'm not perfect, all over history people question God, Why did Ram leave Sita, why did Gandhi call of quit India, Was Jesus really born out of a virgin?; there's no end to finding faults, even with God. The perfect woman...is perfect because she loved the imperfections of the perfect guy

"Damn, so will i never find happiness"

"You're talking to god, shouldn't be that difficult, maybe you just haven't given it enough thought"



She woke up a while later and looked at her lab...had she been talking to her dog? no no just a dream she thought




Later at another place a chap sitting under a tree having beer and peanuts "god man you're awesome, I mean only god could've known that peanuts are the best thing to go with beer, I mean like wow"

God: "you kno its tuff to hardsell you to these women as the perfect man if you keep talking like this, ok now throw some pretzels my side"

Tossing a few peanuts that way "Oh chill man don't have to hardsell me and all, btw thats another awesome piece of work of yours, funny they are in some ways, but they're good, especially the ones that don't nag so much, they are the best, awesome creatures man, here's a toast to them"

Ofcourse the man saw nothing wierd in talking to his dog, he was drunk, thats what you were supposed to do when you were drunk

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok this post wasn't about the girl or the guy or the stupid 5th class debate :P but have you ever wondered the dog is supposed to be the man's best friend, all civilizations across all time periods have had dogs...surprisingly and i may be wrong on this none of the civilizations have portrayed dog as a religious symbol, no god has ever been associated with a dog. I think its not by chance, its like a secret agreement, keep the focus away from the dog...but i think one of the members of the secret committee decided to be little benevolent on mankind...after all why else would they have spelt out the name in english as DOG || GOD...

if you don't believe me...just look into a dog's eyes

Madame Poirot: Part 1: The Birthday Gift

“Yaar Nikump”

Nikump looked up from his files, as a lawyer, that too a corporate one, that too those M&A deal types he didn’t expect chit chat to happen before the late lunch that they had usually, infact usually it didn’t happen till around 4 in the evening, which was ok since they usually worked till 11 in the night. After all this was business season for them.

He looked at Kabir, the source of the voice; he had always felt Kabir to be a misfit in their organization. His demeanor was of a spontaneous romantic song compared to the monochromatic tone of the legal arena. What irked Nikump more was that this misfit of a person actually was doing quite well in the organization, not to mention he was one of the few who had a girlfriend, a good one too, an artsy girl, Niharika.

It was on the matter of Niharika only that Kabir had disturbed Nikumps retorie.

“Yaar it’s Niharika’s b’day next month and you know she ain’t someone whom you can gift a perfume bottle or stuff from lush and get away with it. I’m really freaking out over what to get her”

It was stuff like this that really irked off Nikump, he was a serious lawyer and didn’t really feel much inclined to discuss such trivialities of life. He had a wife and a secretary for stuff on the side. Both could be bought perfumes and were happy in their own worlds.

He was going to give a very curt reply, given that it was not yet the customary time for banal chat, but something struck him, something akin to what had made Archimedes run naked on the roads shouting eureka.

“Hmm, yes given that she’s the artsy shartsty type”

“She’s a painter” Kabir said exasperated, he had to correct them everytime!!!

“Yes, yes painter, I think something more intellectual would work better for her. I do remember you mentioning something along the lines of that she reads a lot of detective novels and secretly wishes to be like one. I was thinking, maybe if we set up something for her, something that lasts a month and concludes right on her birthday”

“You mean like a fake mystery to solve”

“Yes yes something like that, after all we are lawyers, if we couldn’t make up something like that, who could”

A light gleamed in Kabir’s eyes, this sounded good, no it sounded perfect….

The Liutenant - Part 8 - And They Lived...

The Lieutenant Part 1: Meetup at the beach

The Lieutenant: Part 2: She takes him home


The Lieutenant Part 3: At the Bar

The Lieutenant Part 4: Comics

The Lieutenant Part 5: Shopping

The Lieutenant Part 6: ‘Mom’

The Lieutenant part 7 - The cold

After the last part I was quite flummoxed, I wasn’t sure where to take this story to. In my mind Rahul being a kid his next natural demand is why don’t his parents stay together, why does he have to be always split between two worlds?


Kiran and Arvind are as confused as the readers as to where they should go, neither of them is sure of their emotions. Kiran rejected Arvind five years back, has anything changed since then for her to go beyond ‘I like this guy’ and what about Arvind, will he be able to forget the turmoil that he has gone through. Kiran was his dream which got shattered, can a dream be rebuilt and even if it can will it be ever the same as the original one.

Just as a trivia Arvind’s character was supposed to turn out later as an actual Colonel in the army. One of those covert operation guys, the whole Harvard thing was meant as a cover, a public image.

Anyways back to the story, the other important question was about Rahul, would he live, his was a rare disease, he had gone beyond the doctor’s expectations till now, would he be the first kid to be able to beat the disease? And what if he didn’t would Arvind and Kiran’s relationship be able to hold if Rahul wasn’t there to hold them. Would Kiran be able to take the shock, she had always wanted a son, her’s was a troubled life, no relationship had worked for her, except this one, for once she was really in love…

These are too many questions, too many uncertainties...and that’s how life is, at any time, some things are under our control, most are not. The present sandwiched between a history of rights and wrongs and a future which refuses to be unhazy…

Its not for me to complete this story, its for each one of you, to choose how you respond to it…choose your own endings…

The Lieutenant part 7 - The cold

The Lieutenant Part 1: Meetup at the beach

The Lieutenant: Part 2: She takes him home


The Lieutenant Part 3: At the Bar

The Lieutenant Part 4: Comics

The Lieutenant Part 5: Shopping

The Lieutenant Part 6: ‘Mom’

The Mumbai rains had come, in their entire splendor. While most of Mumbai enjoyed the downpour Arvind sulked big time. He was a Sun guy, the kind of rains he liked were the ones which lasted no longer than 4 hours. Mumbai rains ofcourse never entertained his pleas for mercy.


This was one of those days Rahul was with his newly adopted ‘mom’. He was at his suburban home sipping tea reading a book on his couch with Major by his side. Like any other boy Rahul was spending most days with his mom. Arvind would see him in between the week sometime or he would come over for a few days every other week. Not that Arvind was entirely happy with this situation, but well a child needed a mother and he felt happy for his kid, he really looked livelier these days as if he had found heaven.

Major started barking suddenly, it was a low deep growl. Arvind who was engrossed in his book looked at Major. Major rarely barked in that tone.

Oh Shit he thought and fumbled for the phone. He called on Rahul’s number. He could hear him sneezing, wildly, barely able to talk. He made a dash for the door like any other worried father. In the morbid weather, that had probably taken a lull to let him pass, he tried to cross the sunken streets as fast as he could, which meant a lot of walking, buses, autos, taxis. After two hours he finally managed to reach Kiran’s house.

Arvind entered the house with his key, The two of them mom and son were sneezing away to glory. She was taking his temperature but he could see she wasn’t much better herself.

“Thank God, you both at least changed into dry clothes” Arvind said to make his presence known

“Daddy!!!” Rahul screamed and rushed into his arms. Arvind lifted him up and held him tight.

He kept him back on the couch. “Now you two, sit” He got them a woolen blanket from the bedroom. Gave them the tv remote. The two of them cuddled each other shivering.

He went into the kitchen and made them, chicken soup, the instant variety, right now was not the time for culinary finesse but fast relief action. As an after thought he added noodles for the slurrpy effect and also to add some weight to the food.

He gave one big bowl each to the shivering mother and son, busy cuddling each other, teeth chattering and yet giggling away to glory while watching tom n jerry.

“Daddy I’m feeling cold” he said making his cute little pleading face

“And so am I” she said, imitating his cute little pleading face

“Kids!!” he said “Pehle ek hi thaa, ab do do hain!!!”

He sat down between them on the couch and they both folded into his arms, wrapping themselves to his chest. Whether it was the effect of the chicken soup or just the moment, but the cold fell away and there was warmth in that living room, and soon three beings were fast asleep, cuddled in each others embrace

The Lieutenant Part 6: ‘Mom’

The Lieutenant Part 1: Meetup at the beach

The Lieutenant: Part 2: She takes him home


The Lieutenant Part 3: At the Bar

The Lieutenant Part 4: Comics

The Lieutenant Part 5: Shopping

“Dad”

“Yes son”

“Dad, could I call Kiran aunty…..Mom”

Half of Arvind’s coffee flew out of his mouth “Ummm sure son, I’m think Kiran aunty would also like that”. Of all the things one expected on a Wednesday morning, this wasn't it

Rahul came and hugged him “Thanks dad, you’re the best”

“No son, you’re the best and you've got the best mom in the world” he hugged him back tightly, happy for Rahul. A thought took him back five years, when he had thought it would be nice to raise children with Kiran, he had always thought of her as a doting mom, who could teach their children about life and the beauties within. But he had never imagined that thought coming true like this.

She called him day after the next, she was almost shrieking in delight “You know what, he, he called me Mom” He just smiled “I couldn’t stop hugging him”

“He’s the son you always wanted, little one”

“Yes” he could hear the sobbing in her voice, a happy kind of sobbing

“Chalo good, he succeeded in wooing you, where I failed” he laughed

“Oh shut up!!!” she giggled

It was the weekend, Rahul was over at Kiran’s, in the few months that they had met since that first encounter at the beach the two had become almost unseparable. Like Colonel even Major had taken a back seat letting the two be on their own.

“Major, I’ve got an uneasy feeling. I don’t know where this is going, but suddenly it feels that life is going to get very complicated very soon”

The Lieutenant Part 5: Shopping

The Lieutenant Part 1: Meetup at the beach

The Lieutenant: Part 2: She takes him home


The Lieutenant Part 3: At the Bar

The Lieutenant Part 4: Comics


Her phone was ringing, it was Monday, as hectic and maddening and hectic as it could get. It was Arvind, she was partly irritated, partly felt a nice tingling feeling in her tummy.

‘Whats it’

‘When do you get off today missy?’

‘I don’t kno, it’s gonna be late’

‘I’ll be at your place at 8:30’

‘What, why, didn’t you just hear me, I’m gonna be late, then I have to meet people, why do you have to be so difficult’

‘Cause that’s how I am, 8:30!!!’

‘I won’t be there’

‘I know!’

She felt more irritated than she already was.

She reached home at 11, there was a dinner meeting she had to attend. He was there outside her flat sitting in the stairs reading a book.

She half screamed at him ‘didn’t I tell you I wasn’t gonna be here till late, why don’t you just listen’

‘How do you manage to get irritated so easily, its really funny to see you get so worked up, though in a way it can be nice also, it used to really really turn me on…and hey I’m not complaining I got a chance to complete my book, so chill, but If I could come in I really do have something I need to talk to you about’

‘Oh ok, and yes do come in, please, where’s my hospitality!!! What’s the matter?’

‘Shopping’

‘Shopping?’


‘Two weeks ago you got Rahul new clothes, yesterday he again came back with a bag with a new t-shirt and water bottles’

‘Yes and it looked so nice on him, and the bottle really went well with his clothes’

‘Dudette I know you are really very excited about him, but he’s a kid, and kids get spoilt very easily, I’ve tried very hard to not let him go that way and I would really appreciate it if you could keep that in mind’

‘But he had a bad day at school’ she pleaded

Almost raising his voice ‘And retail therapy is not the answer, and while we are at it, he’s not a girl, he doesn’t need so many clothes nor to accessorize. God woman!!! I tell ya you still manage to drive me crazy’

‘Don’t you dare raise your voice to me, I will take him shopping as and when I feel like’ she retorted

‘And you will get a solid whacking from me if you do that’

She slapped him, hard and crisp ‘How dare you!!!’

‘You care to try that once more and check whether you’ll go over my knee or not’

Her eyes growled at him…a long tense pause ‘I’ll go make some coffee, you’ll have?’ She moved to the kitchen with that rhetorical question. ‘I should’ve said yes to you then only shouldn’t I’ She asked with her back to him as she lit the stove

‘Na I think that would have been as dumb as your previous moves’

She turned back surprised ‘But isn’t it what you wanted’

‘Yes, but not you, my loving you isn’t good enough, it’s a necessary but not a sufficient condition, you didn’t want me and that’s what counts’

‘I didn’t know what I wanted’

‘That’s a different problem and had a different answer I guess’

‘So you don’t hate me for pushing you away?’

‘You broke my heart, what do you think!!! But beyond that I never held a grudge against you, I knew you were confused and lost. Plus despite a kind of similarity in so many things we were temperamentally very different. I needed tons of attention and you weren’t the type, who could shower it. I could never read you or know how to treat you the way you needed to, I just know one type of treatment that is to treat a person royally, and you were just too full of contradictions for a simple guy like me.

But you know what hurt most…’

‘What?’

‘That you clandestinely pulled out of the relationship. One day we were deep into each other, then you disappeared and when you came back you weren’t the same again. A relationship requires a lot of communication to build trust. You didn’t add enough cement around the iron bars for the base to form and our relationship went from beautiful to messy

Anyways that was a long time back’

‘Do you still love me?’

‘Can I have my coffee or you wanna superboil it, cause it really seems done’

‘Oh shit’ she giggled

The Lieutenant Part 4: Comics

The Lieutenant Part 1: Meetup at the beach

The Lieutenant: Part 2: She takes him home


The Lieutenant Part 3: At the Bar

“You OWN ‘Comics’!!!!” she almost screamingly asked / accused him as they waited outside Rahul’s school to pick him up.

“Yes”

“That didn’t figure in your I do consulting, I teach at Harvard story”

“Naah, it was just a stupid little idea that turned out to be brilliant. Remember that rice guy the one who used to mail music. Well he really likes comics and one day sitting in a bar I thought all bars are so morose, we need some fantasy in here, we need some heroes, and so ‘Comics’ was born”



“Stupid idea? It’s the most brilliantly run Chain of Pubs, in three years it has gone on to become an international chain of stores with 130 locations across the world. It managed to get onto the cover of Times magazine and won 20 dozen prizes. Dammit half the world is using it as a case study in their MBA classes. Including me when I go to teach.”

“You would make for one hot teacher” he joked

“Shut up” she said her way of saying thanks to a compliment “But your name’s never figured. Everytime the name of that guy….shit!!! He is rice boy isn’t he”

Arvind grinned.“Yeah he’s the CEO, it was really him who built the whole business. I just built the organization. My official title there is ‘Head Janitor’”

“ ‘Head Janitor’!!!! like always you are full of surprises Arvind, like always”

“Think of it, its very simple. In a pub a customer’s experience is made by two things the barman and the janitor. Glasses break, drinks spill, the loos get dirty. Would you want to go to a pub with a dirty loo??? Now I could never fling a bottle in the air, catch it and make a drink also. I found a guy who juggles five bottles in the air and makes a drink. He’s got the flair for it, I made him the head barman, I preferred to be the Head Janitor, I can mop, and mop well. But more importantly in my organization nobody looks down upon the job of a janitor…and that’s how it is done…when the top of the organization can be found washing the dishes on a busy day and nobody finds anything odd about it. That’s how organizations are built.”

“I didn’t know that, most of the case studies that I’ve read have been on how innovative ‘Comics’ has been right from seating design, drinks, and my personal favorite, crispy fresh comics available at your table and for pub members you can put a demand for any comic you like and they’ll have it the next time you visit”

“Yes, we spend a lot on buying comics, like casinos throw away their cards, we gift away all comics that are not crisp and clean. But that’s all cock and bull stuff any other ass would have done just that if he wanted to run the pub successfully like all casinos do. It’s a no brainer. What people don’t know about is that in our organization we have no company policies, no rules, and no performance targets. And we have 100% employee engagement.”

“No what!!! How do you run a company with no rules, no targets? That’s crazy”

“No it isn’t. We hire people for their attitude and run the company on culture. A barman is a barman cause he likes to mix drinks. We don’t ask him how many hours he wants to work. He works till he enjoys mixing the drinks. The accountant working in the back office likes his worksheets. When it gets boring for him, he stops. When people start enjoying their work they just keep doing it better and better. It’s a very different world most people are not used to. In our organization you won’t last if you are a sloucher or you don’t like your work. You only last if you like what you are doing, and we make working here fun. There’s absolutely no pressure, there are no profit earnings to be met, and we are a private limited company.”

“Ok enough of the lecture now!!! Mr. showoff, why couldn’t you just buy yourself a decent car, why couldn’t you live in town why a house in Andheri, with the kind of money you must be making you could buy one in Malabar hills!!!”

“I could, but doesn’t mean I want to. I don’t need a fancy car, or a fancy house. Those were always your wants. I have Major and Lieutenant with me and a whole bunch of friends in Andheri. Plus we are five minutes away from Rahul’s hospital. That’s the whole point of being in Bombay anyways, that’s why I moved from Delhi to Bombay......Rahul...all the money from this pub thing goes into an NGO which funds under priviledged children. I make enough from Harvard and consulting for a good life."

The Lieutenant Part 3: At the Bar

The Lieutenant Part 1: Meetup at the beach

The Lieutenant: Part 2: She takes him home

“Is this seat taken mister?”

“What are you doing here, aren’t you supposed to be with Rahul”

“He’s gone to bed, I tucked him in, he told me where I’d find you, I hope you don’t bring him here” she said slinking into the bar stool next to him

“Naah, I told him he needs to be promoted to a Major before he starts drinking. How was it with him, you guys had fun?”

“Oooh he’s a delight, we played scrabble and then he played me songs on the guitar, your kid’s very brilliant Arvind, you are very lucky”

“Yeah I know, I know, brilliant he is; his brilliance is his gift and his curse”

“Curse?”

“Yeah he’s got a hyperactive brain, it secrets some chemicals, makes it keep working, when Rahul was little as baby he couldn’t sleep, we took him to the best doctors and they finally figured out what the problem was; he’s living the life on the edge of a blink Kiran, his medicine keeps his brain under check. It’s a very rare mutation so to say, only a hundred and twelve known cases so far, none grew up to be an adult. Every day that he breathes is miracle”



Tears welled up in her eyes “damn you” she said banging her fist into his shoulder “damn you”

“Yeah I know, I know.” He called out to the barman “Aby, get the lady a drink, a stiff one”

She had a sip of her drink “Who were his parents?”

“They were my students at Harvard, a lovely couple”

“Harvard!!! Students!!! did I lose you somewhere?” she asked astound

“Four and a half years ago on a train to Rishikesh this chap was sitting next to me, we got talking on philosophy and he got interested in what I had to say, so interested infact that he invited me to come to Harvard and tell the people there. I do a two month course at Harvard each year on business philosophy. It’s quite popular now.

“Raman and Archana were my students in the first year there. They were also the people who made me feel home in a strange country and became my best friends. Their 3 year old kid, Rahul, became my godson. I don’t think anybody who has ever met Rahul has not fallen in love with him. You should’ve seen him then, he was a pure bundle of joy. They died in a car crash the next year Rahul was four and half, I brought him home. But you know what; I thought I was going to be his dad till I got him home. Major never gave me that chance. Ever since Major saw the kid as he took the first steps he’s been by his side guarding over him, scolding him, pampering him. I was happily relegated to being his friend. Infact he’s so attached to the kid I had to talk to the principal to let Major go to school with him!!!”

“What!!! Really? Awwwww that’s so sweet”

“Yeah”

“And what about you, you never married?”

“I almost did, actually. That’s another funny story. On my plane to Harvard I was seated next to this charming young girl. We got talking; she gave me her number in US. She was doing her masters in movie direction there. I called her up we met, we clicked, everything looked all set.”

“Then?”

“Then her dad invited me home. They are bloody rich people and I mean bloody rich. Her pop told me, son I like you, you’re a nice kid to have as a son-in-law but a marriage is not just a mix of two people its also brings two families together. Stay a few days here and see if you feel you and your family will feel comfortable with us I’ll be happy to give my daughter’s hand to you. The old bugger was right everybody in their family was so rich man, it was like they lived in a different universe altogether. I didn’t want our marriage to alienate her from her family. We discussed this and went our ways. She got married the next year to a movie director she started working with and then the car crash happened and well I’ve had my hands full since then.”

“You never felt the need for another person”

“I’m in my mid thirties now kiddo, there was a time when I needed a partner. I’ve lived through that era, now what do I need a partner for?”

“Don’t you think Rahul would need a mother?”

“Well he had, and life took her away from him and he’s got to live with that. Now if you’ll excuse me I think I think am done for the night. If you could get Rahul ready by 8 I’ll come pick him then and take him to school.” He kept his glass on the counter and walked off “Good night little one”

“Good night” her eyes lingered onto the lanky frame walking out of the bar.

“Aby, you didn’t ask him to pay?” she asked the barman

“Him!!! he owns the place”

to be continued…

The Lieutenant: Part 2: She takes him home

The Lieutenant Part 1: Meetup at the beach


“Kiran aunty you smell nice” complemented Rahul as she laughingly pulled him into a tight hug

“Thanks beta, you are a darling, I wish I could steal you away from your colonel for a day”

“Oh you can aunty, if you promise me pizza you can”

“Oh I didn’t know soldiers of the army could be bribed so easily”

“You are right aunty” he said on beat “make that a pizza and a brownie with ice cream and we have a deal”

“He’s playing you missy, be careful” Arvind pitched in ruffling Rahul’s hair

“Is it all right with you, if he spends the rest of the evening with me?” She asked him

“Sure kiddo, just take care of the young one”

“Lieutenant if you gotta go, go get your stuff”

“I’ll go get him daddy”

“You let him wander alone, on the beach, you’re not afraid?”

“Ha ha, afraid, no, and he’s not alone, you’ll see”

“We’re all set to go daddy” Rahul came back followed by a hopping german shepherd.

“Kiran, meet our third army man, Major”

She grinned “I see we have a whole army out here”

Major came near her and sniffed her, went round and went back standing next to Rahul

“So now you know Rahul’s never alone and why I don’t have to worry”

He picked up Rahul in his arms “whose going to be a well disciplined soldier at aunty’s place”

“Sheesh dad, what sadoo dialogues you make, aunty and me are gonna have a wild time, just chill”

“Ok mister, done deal, chill I will, and here’s your magic potion, remember soldier, two teaspoonfuls before sleeping”

“Sir yes sir”

“Magic potion?” Kiran asked increasingly confused by this whole story inside which the father son lived.

“Will tell ya later”

“Don’t you want to check with your wife first, if she’s ok with me taking Rahul for the night”

“Colonel doesn’t have a wife, he found me when he was on mission in the jungles and brought me home”

She looked at him not knowing what to say

“Aah so you finally bought your beamer, your driver is waving at you”

“Ya I did last year, it a beaut”

“Sure is, take care of my little champ and do remember two teaspoonfuls of his magic potion just before sleeping and give me your card or do you still have your old Mumbai number”

“Ya it’s the same, you still have it”

“Yeah, chal cya, have a fun time you three”

“Three?”

“Oh ya where Rahul goes Major goes, have fun” He waved to them as they got into the car

to be continued....

The Lieutenant: Meetup at the beach

Part 1: The Beach

Arvind!!! A female voice shrieked. Arvind looked up, from his plate of pani puri that he was happily gulping down, in the direction of the shriek. He knew who that voice belonged to, just that after five years he wasn’t sure how to react to it.

She came striding up to him. “I can’t believe it, after all these years”.

“Hi little one, how’ve you been?” he greeted her back.

“Life’s good, I’ve settled here in Mumbai, have my own little company.”

“So you finally became a CEO” he smiled.

“What have you been upto?”

“Oh nothing, got into economic research and stuff, make some money here and there as a consultant, you know me, never the serious types”

“Colonel, come in colonel” the walky-talky strapped across Arvind’s belt came alive.

“Colonel?” she asked confused

“Wait you’ll see” he winked “Come in lieutenant”

“We’re all set colonel” a little voice crackled

“Cover your bases and make your way back then lieutenant”

“Come on Arvind, you’re killing me, what’s all this colonel lieutenant business about”

“Patience, my dear”

“Tell me!!!”

“Like always, no patience in you”

“Daddy” a little boy jumped up onto Arvind’s back from behind.

“How was the game today”

“Was nice daddy, Chandar scored two goals and we won”

“And where are your manners little monkey, say hi to Kiran aunty”



“Hi beta”

“Hello aunty”

“What’s your name beta”

“I’m Rahul, aunty, second Lieutenant Rahul”

She couldn't help but laugh and hug the little second lieutenant...to be continued