The cupcake

There was an interesting series of tweets last week.

“In a relationship the one who gives less of a damn, commands more power”

Ofcourse this is the very kind of a tweet that a melodrama like me can’t let go uncommented upon and quipped…

“Since when have relationships been about power”…

Though I was actually wrong there, damn right they are, however, they are not so much about taking control, seizing command as much as leaving control and giving power.

A rocky relationship is more or less driving a vehicle while holding the steering wheel tightly…it makes it wobble. You’ve got ease of your grip a little, trust the vehicle to take your cue and the feedback it is giving, that's what makes for a smooth drive.

I remember once in Pune I was trying my hand at swimming and this guy gave me a good tip, float in the water, keep your head underwater and open your eyes, let go of your fear, let go of your control a little and you’ll find the water helping you.

Relationships are about power, but not about powerplays and yes there’s not guarantee that if you give up power the other person won’t make a power-play of it. There’s never a guarantee ;)

For all the cup cakes you would have had, probably the one that will linger in your mind...and heart is the one, that day, the lone remaining frosted coconut one, sitting in your fridge awaiting you; and your hungry tummy yearning out for it. The one that you split in half to share…that in short is the way 'power' works in a 'relationship'

Kati Patang

fingers flying on the micro mini keyboard of phone "how was your day"

beep beep "was ok, rough day"

beep beep "how was yours"

beep beep "pretty good, i downloaded this bloody awesome movie btw..."

beep beep "oh yeah temme abt it"

beep beep

beep beep...and so flow the conversations when two strangers get acquainted and start exploring each other...

Ofcourse these beeps would have started off from a chance meet somewhere...and will probably turn to hour long conversations of same nature...

soon however even this will pass into the phase when the two shall start meeting...and this is where the rubber meets the road...because no matter how much you text, scrap, tweet or talk...its only when you spend time with each other that the heart either grows fonder or fainter...real real fast...

And that is why people find the change difficult to adjust to, it all happens so fast...the person you were talking to suddenly starts giving you hot rushes (in the good way ;) ) or you start wondering what were you thinking of all these weeks.

Whats more discomforting is the reason you've stopped liking that person...dresses badly, has a wierd odour to them, teeth, hair, bad at humor, bad humor :P, too lanky, too fat, all the things that you thought were too superficial to you...

And then the phase of the i've been busy, ignoring the person, something that starts happening naturally...

And i've seen both sides of the gender get caught on both sides of the problem...the ignorer and the ignored (yes ignoree is no word :P). Its hard for someone to explain this to someone who they've lost interest in as to why...mostly they ain't sure themselves...but its not so hard for the ignored to catch onto the signals...

In that case...Be silent, be gone...its probably for the better :) (and don't trust me on this...life is an experiment..go ahead and have yours :P)

Ruining the Stars

The mystery of the cosmos and how it affects us is pretty intriguing. Even if it is true, how significant is their effect on us?

I did a little survey about two years ago trying to find out whether sun signs could be taken as an effective indicator for success or failure or relationships. Out of the hundred odd people who filled it, the trend was almost half split. 50% people had partners of compatible sun signs. The trend for 'dislikes' was also the same.



Reading further on the subject gave me possible explanations for the same. Firstly its not jst about your sun sign, you have a moon sign too, then within your sun-sign you have a rising planet. And if you go by the Chinese they believe the year you were born in also shapes your inherent personality. Numerology says that within a sun sign the exact date (summed up) gives an indicator of who you are. Limiting ourselves to just these factors lets see how the equation pans out.

You could be an

'Virgo' Sun Sign
have 'Mercury' as your rising planet
With a 'Taurus' moon sign
Born in the year of the 'Rabbit'
With A numerology of '4'

So you see even if the cosmos does affect us, it doesn't make it any simple for us to find our perfect one

But i hope while reading all this a question struck your mind...so does this mean our actions and behaviours are predefined?

Does that mean a Cancer guy and a Leo girl can never make a happy couple?

Like always I won't give an answer, leave you to find it yourself...but here's my take on it...if you really like a person and that person likes you back...i doubt the sun signs can get in your way...coz there's that thing we have...choice...and as much i believe in the power of the sun and the stars...i believe more in the power of choice

The bro code part 2 - Case of the tattering marriage

For those who haven't read the first part take a peek here

Ok so a chap from our community approached us with this peculiar (peculiar by his standards, its a very common syndrome) problem. A friend of his had been going through a time with her marriage and like any friend should he offered her his shoulder to cry on, his ears to listen to her problems and sane advice (if any man could ever offer one :P ). In doing so he lost his heart to her, she had always been a nice smart witty female this closeness sharing of pain proved to be the tipping point. However as fate would have it the lady managed to get her marriage back on track (thank allah for this :) we don't like seeing marriages breaking up).

So now the question is what does our chap do. While strictly this is not covered under the scope of the brotherhood but we can't leave our brother without guidance now can we, hence applying the principles (did i get the spelling right?) of fairness that the brotherhood is based on we came up with a simple question (the brotherhood believes that even the most complex equations can be solved, if you know exactly what question to ask)

The question being can he come to terms with this new dynamics of relationships, keep being a friend, even though he has strong feelings for her, or does he feel that his feelings will seep out and somewhere cause bitterness either between him, his friend and/or her husband.

And like we expected the answer from our chap pointed to the latter in which case we advised him to step back and out, to sever any and all connections except those which can't be for (social / professional reasons). To bear the pain in the short term for peace and love to prosper....

Our sympathies with the dear chap who has to bear the pain and with the lady who will not be able to understand why her closest friend is going away, but such is life...one must make tough choices sometimes